Log in

hi there

Jul. 17th, 2024 | 11:46 pm


keep breathing ♥
under the cutCollapse )

Link | Leave a comment | Share

(no subject)

Jun. 27th, 2015 | 07:29 pm


So I thought I'd groove my way back to writing again by doing baby steps and start with drabbles. Maybe even shorter than drabbles if that's even possible? Lol Anyway, this is just a start this table is from je_prompts if anyone is interested in doing the same. I'm not sure if this will be interconnected drabbles or if they're stand alone drabbles. Most likely it won't be, ha. So yeah, I hope I can keep up. Oh well, ikemasu-

001. Black 002. World 003. Become 004. More 005. Connect
006. Jealous 007. Heart 008. Free 009. Done 010. Role
011. Ahead 012. Fight 013. Eight 014. Like 015. Journey
016. Us 017. Stay 018. Tear 019. Maybe 020. Beside
021. Piece 022. Star 023. Hug 024. Learn 025. Send
026. Blank 027. Here 028. Hide 029. Twist 030. Cake
031. Regret 032. Call 033. Arrive 034. Blame 035. Deal
036. Find 037. Grace 038. Laugh 039. Fire 040. Sweet
041. Wait 042. Hear 043. Question 044. Room 045. Dark
046. Dear 047. Quit 048. Realize 049. Second 050. Writers' Choice

Good luck to you, Sparkles ♥

Link | Leave a comment | Share


Jan. 2nd, 2015 | 04:42 am

015 / Akame drabble table

Yesterday, Today and TomorrowCollapse )

Link | Leave a comment {10} | Share

(no subject)

Oct. 21st, 2014 | 12:01 am

way of passage
prompt from the enabler happymaybe which was Jin telling Kame that he's not going to renew his contract with the Jimusho. I actually tried to make this angry and angsty like usual, lol. hope you liekzzz <3

Jin knows he's got this. Supposed to get this because he'd written this carefully written script down in blotchy coffee shop tissue and rehearsed this fifteen million times with Pi and did fifteen million more in front of the mirror after Pi went home that night. He keeps pacing the room with his steps light and ninja like because it's 5 in the morning and the roosters next door who are normally on point to wake Jin up are probably still asleep, usually Jin would have a good feeling for one upping someone (or something) but this isn't really the time to feel anything else but be nervous because he's going to have to deal with Kame with something as serious as leaving the Jimusho for real.

"It's 5 in the morning, Jin," Kame's wonky half asleep voice makes him miss a step which results to tumbling down on their carpeted floor, Jin knows he's getting a bruise somewhere for that fall.

Kame doesn't even try to check on Jin if he's still alive.

"I'm okay!" Jin says anyway, just in case Kame's interested.

He gets up in the weirdest possible way, struggling to get his legs out in that awkward knot he seemed to get himself in and trying to be quiet while doing it is really not going to cut it because Kame is peeking through the blanket with his one eye half open and the other eye closed shut and his lion-like hair everywhere. Normally, that sight would scare Jin then it would make his heart all warm and fuzzy at how stupid Kame can look uncontrollably stupid - it did but then he remembered the burden he's carrying on his shoulders cockblocking his fleeting moment of domestic bliss.

"Do you.. help... need," it confuses Jin at first because Kame's voice is groggy and he's not really sure if it's an actual question or a statement since he can't really understand it so he doesn't reply just in case he doesn't read Kame's half grunts right, he needs to have Kame in his best mood possible before he could spill the beans. Not like Jin had a good start, he woke Kame five hours before his normal waking up hours during his day off.

Jin ignores Kame, trying to let him get back to sleep again because this is not working. Kame needs his full six hours before Jin could break the news, six hours is the minimum sleep Kame needs before he could process this well because if Kame got less he would most probably throw something at Jin and never speak to him again and the ending would most likely be Jin being thrown out of their home and heart broken forever.

When he hears Kame's even breathing, he creeps out of the their bedroom so he could put his grand idea of buttering Kame up with making breakfast and top notch coffee into motion. Jin had this amazing idea in his mind wherein he'd make some french breakfast food that he can't pronounce but then he forgoes that idea just because he's too Japanese to even give French cooking a shot so he opts for traditional Japanese breakfast instead, eliminating the obstacles as much as possible.

Jin puts the kettle on for miso soup, makes rice, cracks two eggs for scrambling and runs the Salmon under warm running water for a quick thaw. He ends up burning the scrambled eggs more than it should be but everything else was fine and by fine, he meant edible.

The next up, the coffee; because only a stupid person can't make top notch coffee with Kame's state of the art coffee makers and wide array of coffee beans to choose from but Jin gives up with his third try for making coffee because he doesn't know how to use the milk frother, can't get the espresso machine in the right temperature for it to steam out of the machine and he just can't get the perfect pairing of the various syrups Kame has with his equally vast collection of coffee beans.

Jin's tearing a packet of a strip instant coffee and pouring it to Kame's favorite mug then an ugly pixelated image of Yamashita pops out of his mind yelling at him, you forgot your stupid, Bakanishi. and Jin stupidly erases the hologram away like a cat catching a ball of yarn.

"What are you doing," Kame catches him pawing thin air like a cat would do when they're high. If cats got high, that is.

Jin grabs his hands back and puts grabs Kame's mug so he can take it to him but he accidentally slides it a few inches making the hot liquid drip into his hands, burning parts of his skin. He immediately looks at Kame who's tilting his head to the side, studying Jin like he's a painting inside a museum that he's not quite sure if it's beautiful or just plain weird. Jin however, just tries to grin.

Kame sighs and carefully walks towards the harmless coffee mug and nurses it like a superstar, it's unfair how even coffee mugs like Kame. Wait, Am I jealous over a coffee mug? He shakes his head and tries to hint that he made breakfast but Kame doesn't notice until he turns his head to check if there's mail hanging in the mail slit of their front door.

"What did you do," Kame eyes the breakfast then back at Jin who's heart is jumping out his shirt because Kame's got his I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer voice and those weird brown googly eyes of his studying his mediocre cooking like he's a judge at Masterchef. It brings his tension level up to a million which doesn't help his situation at all so of course he lies, tries to stall as best as he can because this isn't how he wanted to tell Kame he's leaving the Jimusho.

"IMadeBreakfastLet'sEatItadakimasu," It's all too fast for Kame to catch but Jin's already spooning his rice bowl and gulping down his miso soup when Kame had sat down in the dining table with his coffee.

"Itadakimasu," he says calmly, unlike Jin who's just all over the place. Kame takes a bite of the food and chews, he eyeballs Jin.

The breakfast is silent and Jin keeps stealing glances at Kame when he thinks Kame doesn't notice it but he totally does. It puts Kame off because he feels like he's being ogled at inside an aquarium by random strangers, he puts his spoon down and drinks his coffee before he stealthily kicks Jin's shin under the table.

"Aw!" Jin yelps, face a little blue if Kame would be totally honest.

"At least you're breathing now, I thought you're level of stupidity had gone up that you forgot how to breathe," Jin makes a face but then takes it back, he's not in the position to go against Kame right now so he stays quiet but that makes Kame even more suspicious so he ends up kicking Jin again, this time Jin doesn't react.

"In a scale of Internet rumours to Friday, how bad is it?" Kame asks, opting to drink his coffee instead so he could continue tot intimidate Jin with his questioning eye glare. Jin shrinks under his stare, he seems to really shrink inside his pajamas.

Jin gulps because this is now or never.

"Johnny's office bad," he says, they both shiver because Johnny's office level means Jin's had reached the mecca, the higher life, the nirvana of all levels only it's not as heavenly as it sounds.

Kame waits for Jin to continue.

"I'mnotgoingtorenewmycontract," he says in one swift sentence like he had done earlier before eating breakfast, his knuckles are turning white and he can taste blood inside his mouth as he unconsciously bites the inside of his lip as he waits for Kame to digest all this new information. A silent interlude makes Jin insane but Kame mercifully destroys it.

"So you thought instant coffee and a bland breakfast would butter me up to this news? I haven't slept enough for this, Jin," Jin mindlessly calculates how much Kame has slept, he counts 5 hours and clicks his tongue because the minimum is 6! He shakes his head.

Jin couldn't make up any excuse for this.

Kame is going to break up with, he just knows it. He's going to take Ran-chan, Jelly-chan and Pin-chan away from him, he's going to pack his ridiculously expensive suitcases and leave Jin alone with a bland breakfast table and some instant coffee where he's going to choke on every time he would think about Kame not being with him anymore.

Jin feels like trash is stuffed inside his chest and he doesn't know how to get it out.

"Well surprisingly it worked," Kame says, taking a sip of his instant coffee.

Jin is thinking about how much closet space he's going to get when Kame leaves and how lonely it would be inside the house whe- wait, it worked?

"What-" Jin shoots his head up to face Kame's face that's half hidden with the coffee mug.

"Johnny told me," Kame answers the question before even Jin could ask the question.

"When did h-"

"Two weeks ago,"

"Why aren't yo-"

"I wanted it to come from you," Kame smiles, he always knew what's going through Jin's mind before he could even get it out of him.

"What I didn't expect was, you doing this. It's nice surprise though," he chuckles and finishes his coffee, pushes his seat back and goes to the sink to wash his mug out. Jin follows him like predator.

"You knew all this time and you put me through so much heart burn and sleepless nights just to practice my script which I didn't even get to perform in front of you!" Jin whines. All his hard work and emotional heart burn for nothing.

"Oh did you want me to be furious? Because I can do tha-"

"No, no. That's not what I meant, what I mean is.. I feel a little disappointed because you didn't feel so strongly about me leaving the agency. It's like you don't care that we're not in the same agency anymore, it's not a big thing for you. I'm not a big thing for you," Jin looks down at his fluffy slippers.

Kame huffs, eyes a little puffy from just waking up, and pinches the tops of Jin's ears and pulls on it like a monkey.

"I am furious to the point that you don't want to know but what good will it do if I'm angry at you? It would only hurt us both and that's counterproductive. I already have a shitload of problems to take care of and you're not one of them. I don't want you to be one of them because you're one of the good things I look forward to whenever I'm done dealing with that," Jin feels light headed at what Kame just said.

"I am so proud of you, taking the leap and following whatever you heart is telling you to do because if you didn't then you're not the Bakanishi I fell in love with ten years ago," Jin thinks he's going to choke from all the heart pumping, toe curling and emotions inside his chest but it all diffuses when Kame kisses him. It's like he's putting out the fire inside his rib cage, fighting the war inside his mind and just making everything feel a million times better than he felt earlier this morning.

"I thought you were going to take Ran-chan, Jelly-chan and Pin-chan away with you," he hugs Kame by the waist, presses his nose in the crook of Kame's neck and breathes. Savouring the moment with Kame's in his arms, committing it to memory because he can never have too many memories of Kame.

"I know you won't do anything to make that happen," Kame murmurs in Jin's hair, Jin squeezes Kame's waist like his life is depended on it.

Jin clings onto Kame like he's the lifesaver that's thrown to Jin while he's fighting for his life in the sea, it's been a while since he felt the need to feel Kame like this, so intimate and so safe inside his arms.

Kame hooks his pinky finger to Jin's, making their rings clink together. It's the simplest gesture but it's overflowing with meaning and emotion.

The dogs crowd to their feet, barking at them because they're hungry and Kame picks Ran-chan up, Jin follows up picking up the other two and lets them kiss his face. Kame's laugh fills his ears as well as the cute sounds that the dogs make since they're having fun and when he opens his eyes, he sees Kame staring at him like he's saying, this is how it's going to be like forever.

And Jin just nods.

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share


Oct. 20th, 2014 | 11:55 pm

#13 / Eight

Kame doesn't like this, the blood running in his veins is getting warmer by the minute as he stares at the dark eyes across from him, the music way too loud to even understand what he's saying so Kame keeps on staring, looking for something, something that had changed through the course of the years.

Jin still looks the same. In theory anyway because the press already made a big fuss about how he's too skinny for his own good, accusing him of using drugs and typically would make rumours about how a bad father he is, how their household isn't a good home to raise a child. The media always loved to whack Jin's already destroyed reputation and Kame's sure Jin's learned how to dodge them by now or at least he hopes he does.

His eyes are still the same though. Deep dark brownish color even without the proper lightning to make them sparkle, Jin always had beautiful eyes simply because it had nothing to hide, Jin always left that part of him bare if anyone dared to try. The curve of his nose and his strong eyebrow, all the same like nothing happened, like five years hadn't gone by, like a baby didn't happen and as if that gold ring on his left ring finger is bare.

As if they're still together; Jin would come home with Kame in his car, Jin would drive and he would sleep soundly in their bed. Side by side and Kame would smell that cologne Jin wears until he falls asleep in fluffy white sheets - like they used to.

Finally the music dies down a little, an random announcement is made informing the concert goers that the first act is about to close their set and a few minutes later it'll be Bruno Mars. Kame isn't really paying attention because he's subtly looking at Jin's lips and listens his voice, God it had been so long.

"I didn't renew my contract," Jin says in a straight face, shoulders back and neck long as he cradles his beer with one hand. This is a new part of Jin that Kame hasn't discovered, a Jin that presented himself as a confident person, unmasked face and proper casual attire though his hair is still a little wild, Jin is still beautiful.

"So I've heard," talking for the first time since they've spotted each other in the crowded concert arena. Despite the darkness and people moving along to the music, they found each other - they always do even if they don't try.

"I hope it works out," Kame adds, his hands are shaking inside his pockets and he has half a mind to get on with his feet and just fucking go because he can't take this anymore.

Jin chuckles, there's a wrinkle around Jin's eyes that wasn't there before but it's not too noticeable to comment on and it just added more sophistication to Jin's features. Jin is growing old gracefully despite the things that happened, Kame can't help but be relieved.

Kame chuckles back, shoves his hands deeper into his pockets and digs a hole onto the ground with his feet as he kicks the dirt away.

The crowd goes wild as the lights get crazy, neons everywhere and spotlights unfocused and it's a cue to take their spots because Bruno Mars is finally going to go on. Kame doesn't even say a word and just raises his hand casually, a simple gesture that meant a million different things and Jin could interpret it however he wants it to.

He goes back to the people he came with, clinks their beers together and the soft intro of the piano makes everyone shut up, Bruno Mars' cool voice fills their ears as the first verse of Again is sung.

< Hands over my head, thinking what else could go wrong? Would've stayed in bed, how can a day be so long?
Never believed that things happened for a reason. But how this turned out, removed all my doubt so believe -
that for you, I'll do it all over again. >

Kame closes his eyes and maybe a single tiny tear drop falls on his cheek and if anyone noticed, no one really tried to point it out. His chest feels warm and thick, heavy almost as he breathes in and letting the lyrics strike him like lightning making him fall off of to where he is and into this momentary bliss, a quick rundown of the time when he was still together with Jin - the music is still going on.

Kame's having that I'm glad that I've met you feeling, he just wished that his bones were thick enough so that when he would tell Jin it wouldn't crumble into fine dust, he knees wouldn't shake like earlier.

And when he opens his eyes, the outro fading into the arena, he meets Jin's eyes - dark chocolate and smiling. He's panting, sweat all over his face his hair blown by the wind turning it to a beautiful mop of mess atop his head and he keeps on smiling at Kame, like he's relieved.

Like he did something right.

"Eight years," Jin breathes out because he's still panting after running around the arena looking for Kame, maybe elbowing some people too along the way. Kame tilts his head to the side, a tear drop that's filled the brim of his eyes rolls down his cheek, quickly wiping it away. He thinks he forgot how to breath because his head is swirling, he can't figure out what song is playing behind them anymore but he can feel a number of eyes boring behind his leather jacket, getting heavier by the second.

Jin is getting impatient with Kame's silence so he takes his shoulders and invades Kame's personal space, his dark eyes boring into his.

"Eight years and you tell me you hope it'll work out," he says, a little annoyed and partly sounding stupid but it's Jin.

"What do you want me to say," Kame's suddenly worn out. He doesn't know where this is going. And he also has this overwhelmingly strong feeling to hit Jin in the face.

"I wanted you to ask about my daughter, I wanted you to ask about my music, I wanted you to ask about how I was for the past eight years of you ignoring me," this is all too much to take for Kame because he would have asked everything what Jin said for him to ask but he figured he wasn't in that position anymore, Kame was just taking care of boundaries.

"It's different now," he sighs.

"It's not-"

"I'm glad I met you," Kame cuts Jin off, his chest expands tenfold as he breathes in like this is the last. Maybe it is, this will be the last.

"Once upon a time, a skinny boy whom I shared a tent with in Okinawa told me he wanted to be good father and make his own music for a living. I'm honestly glad you've achieved everything you've wanted," he smiles but the veins inside his torso seem to disintegrate as he lets oxygen pass through his lungs every single time he breathes.

Somehow the people in the background just faded away and all he can hear is his own heartbeat drumming loudly in his ears and his eyes trained on Jin's face, Kame tries to smile as he turns around and apologizes to his friends that he feels a little under the weather and steps one foot ahead of the other, away from Jin because he knows this will always be their ending.

It's so ironic how they could always find each other but in the end they would never, no matter how hard they try, end up together.

Link | Leave a comment | Share


Oct. 20th, 2014 | 11:49 pm

#12 / Fight

He sits on the roof while he thinks about them playing in the beach, lounging in an as seen on tv air bed under the hot hot sun baking their sun blocked slathered skin and drinking mojitos with a ratio of 2:1 - 2 parts Gin, 1 part lemon minty water.

Jin pictures Kame getting all tipsy and red cheeked as the alcohol hits his system, he could never hold his alcohol well, except for wines of course because between Kame and Jin, Kame pushes more towards the fancy side of life, opting to shelf out more money for a more upscale hangover the next day while Jin is satisfied with a less than 5,000 yen pukefest that fades anything but gracefully come the next morning.

The dipping of the airbed on warm salty water as Jin crawls slowly next to Kame so that they're skin to skin, Jin wants to feel the Kame's skin pulse as the alcohol takes effect on him, it's one of Jin's weird fetishes to be quite honest, one of the things he doesn't bother to mention Kame just because he prolly already knows.

Kame will look to his side, eyebrow arched into a steady inquiry and relaxes once he lets himself bask in the beauty of Jin's high cheekbones, scoots closer like they're aren't close enough as it is and he breathes, tries to pace himself and tattoos this moment to his skull so he can come back to this moment anytime he wants.

Jin will stare at the far end of the beach, there is nothing but dark blue water and maybe a small number of fish swimming in the top part of the deep end of the ocean, he concentrated on how Kame's skin pulses and how the hot humid weather makes him sweat more than necessary and how he tends to stick more to Kame's skin.

Kame will comment on how Jin is just too close and yet he's not complaining, he will pretty much blab about how perfect everything is but Jin knows Kame will never tell him he loves him, well not anymore. Even in this day dream, Kame will never tell Jin that he loves him.

Not anymore.

Kame will try to look at Jin but his eyes shift to another place because looking at Jin will hurt if he stared too long because Jin isn't the old Jin Kame once had.

Jin will try to pretend they're still together even though other people won't believe that they're not together anymore, people will disagree because of their sheer closeness - their Kizuna - and Kame will try to separate, back off while he still can.

Jin will not try to pull Kame back, just goes with the flow as he tries to dance around Kame's pulling back until he grooves him to the right direction again, convince him that nobody's watching them and that they're watching everybody. Kame relaxes back into the airbed and the sun has gone down now, his mojito is finished and there's a pleasant buzz around his temples, his fingetips a little numb so when Jin comes to connect the tips of his skin to it it barely registers and thinks that this gesture won't count.

There will be no kissing much to Jin's dismay because Kame has the softest pair of lips he's ever kissed, most beautiful face he's seen after being kissed senseless and just kissing him invokes all these emotions, emotions that make Jin's heart warm and heavy. But just watching Kamenashi sparkle under the sunset is enough to make Jin sigh a good sigh.

But then the bottle he's holding on the roof falls onto the floor and breaks into a million little pieces of broken glass mixing with the remaining beer bubbling still on the floor.

And Kame's shiny sunset face disappears.

Link | Leave a comment {1} | Share


Oct. 20th, 2014 | 11:44 pm

#11 / Ahead

Jin has his legs folded behind him and painfully sitting on his ankles like the formal japanese way of sitting down in front of his flat screen, the one that’s in the living room along with the whole entertainment shebang, - expensive Bose speakers scattered around the living room to complete the whole personal cinematic experience, two lazyboys in the set in each side of a long luxurious couch he so graciously ignored - one hand holding the huge remote control, a finger propped to the rewind button just in case the clip comes to an end. Again.

And again.

And again.

Say it again, he murmurs just for himself now that he’s all alone in a house that’s built for two and the clip ends in an abrupt stop in noisy buzzing, silver ants fill up the wide screen. Jin would have liked it to be a little longer like among other things.

The clip plays again - starts with an unfocused, fuzzy close up image of Kame trying to get the camera to work to his liking and then there’s clearness, Kame’s uneven skin without the help of make up and his skinny shoulders showing courtesy of his black wife beater. Jin has already seen this clip a lot of times to the point where he already knows what going to go next, what words Kame will say, how he will say it, when the tears will start to pour and when the smiles will start to shake.

Jin still wants to watch it over and over again because this is all he has left.

He assumes there’s only a tripod and a camera when Kame decided to film this little clip for him - there is no ring light to enhance his features, only a white wall that seemed to belong in their attic he tried to smile for the most part of the clip because he was always one step ahead of Jin because he knew he has to be strong enough for the both of them, always looked out for him even when he was the one who needing looking out for.

I can’t hold your hand in the evening anymore, can’t kiss you when you need some loving, can’t smile for you when you need me to smile but I will still be in your heart even if I’m not around, not around to do all those things for you, Kame’s voice resounds in his brain like a melody - low pitched and calculated as he tries not to burst out into tears and instead he chuckles awkwardly, thinking that it’s weird to cry in front of a camera when it’s not a drama or a movie scene that needs to be filmed, but his life or what's left of it.

Jin thinks there are no more tears to cry when he’s shed them all already, no amount of water in his system can force anymore tears out of his eyes but he's nowhere immune to the pain that this video clip brings.

We’ve known each other for half of our lives, took us a decade to admit to ourselves what we are right now and spent seven years of domestic bliss in the nest we’ve secretly created from the paparazzi vultures that are just waiting to capture us and make us the next headline, Kame smiles at that part when Jin doesn’t. He knows what Kame's picturing in his mind, the art of playing hookie was always Jin's forte and that made him laugh, it always interested him how Jin could be so creative when it comes to skipping work but so incredibly stupid when it comes to the actual thing.

You’ve tried you’re very best to love me, to take care of me when you knew there were certain consequences and for that I’m thankful for you and there isn’t a day that I wasn’t because you will always be the single most special person in the world and that’s what pretty much motivated my heart to keep on beating, this is the part where Jin would cry or maybe sniffle but not anymore, he just can’t shed anymore tears.

And when this video is over, I want you to smile and face the world and love again, Kame's cheeks are damp by now. Jin's staring at the nose bump then to Kame's lips because his eyes are just too pure to look at.

He presses replay.

Link | Leave a comment | Share


Jul. 29th, 2014 | 11:36 pm

#10 / Role

Jin picks out the lint that's on his hoodie but it's actually a stain he remembers getting from the hotdog he had earlier so he makes a mental note to chuck it to the laundry bin when he gets home. The music blaring in the background as the juniors dance to the beat of their song, pang pang pang the clapping sound goes simultaneous to the heavily accented counting as he stares into the mirror.

The juniors are sweaty, panting and looking downright disgusting at how tired they are right now. The choreographers are wringing them out because it's only weeks before the start of KAT-TUN's spring concert tour; Jin remembers the first time he had gone on stage to back up for their sempais, remembers the rush, the cry for their names, Thank you, KAT-TUN and the crowd goes wild.

They wrap it up nicely with the kids smiling when they gather them up in a small intimate circle to keep their spirits up, their hearts pumping and keep them excited. Kame steps in the circle with a huge smile on his face, patting every single junior in the circle for a good job on today's rehearsal, thanking them for their hard work and that all their efforts are appreciated by the group. Jin just watches the little group of hopeful juniors smile as they look up to Kame, hang on to every single word he says and laughs when he spots some mouth hanging open as Kame gives out vital advices like a good sempai should.

Then he looks at Kame and thinks back to when he was the only person who listened to Kame like this when they were kids, when Jin needed the attention, pep talk or straightening up when he's getting out of line - he was the first person who listened to Kame before anyone took him seriously, before he grew into this beautiful insightful sempai that all juniors seem to love.

"Good lord, I'm in love with you," Jin blurts out of the blue when he catches Kame looking at him like he's asking something, his lips are askew and there's a grin on his bare face. There is no eyebrow product to frame his face but he still looks breathtaking, like he had always been to him.

He can hear whistling sounds from the kids, Junno's whoo-ing, Ueda's snort, Nakamaru's impromptu beat boxing at how stupid Jin is and he can feel Koki's sharp slap in the back of his head and calling him "Bakanishi," before he laughs it off and looking at Kame. Jin grabs the spot where Koki had slapped him and looks at Kame too who is blushing like crazy, the juniors are still cheering at his little confession and he just smiles.

"I love you too but I was asking you if you wanted to say something to the juniors," Kame says, laughing and shaking his head as he tells the juniors that it's probably time to go home because it's getting late.

And when they're alone in Jin's car, Kame slips his hands on the gear stick as Jin changes gears and intertwines their fingers together. There are no words exchanged but somehow Jin gets it and Kame gets it too, a quaint gesture to respond to Jin's stupid confession in front of everyone.

Jin's thinks it's okay to be stupidly honest sometimes.

Link | Leave a comment {2} | Share


Jul. 18th, 2014 | 12:19 am

#9 / Done
not obvious but this is jaechun

there's a haze in his vision - a mix of blue and gray - like cigarette smoke in hot air inside the dizzying lights of a club only he's not in a club, he's not in a room full of people who's out to find love in a reckless place. he's in a place where the only illumination he has is the faint light of the stars and the moonlight, the air is cold but he's used to this; his hands start to shake as he takes a step closer to the edge.

the car's engine is running behind him, there's a small buzz that fills his head as he concentrates on that sound - something comforting settles inside his ribs, it feels nice. there's a stack of photos in the back seat dating from 1999 to the present, some had been taken by film, some digital and a few hand drawn maps in tissue paper he's collected in coffee shops he frequents. memories of his youth all compiled in the back seat of his car together with three rims of marlboro reds and a ziplock bag of marijuana - his hand twitches again.

his phone is blowing up in the sand, he's dropped it by accident earlier and he didn't bother to pick it up as he was distracted by the soft light of the sun setting and the quirky shapes made by the trees. right now, his foot is in the edge of the cliff, right now he could take one more step and he could go, like he always wanted to - he could fly away.

what are you afraid of?, he remembers yoochun say, naked bodies pressed in white sheets, hot hot breath kissing his face as he distracts him with his lips. he shakes his head to confirm, nothing, i'm afraid of nothing.

he wouldn't be standing here in this spot if he was afraid of something, he brings his finger up in the air like he's checking its direction like how the golfers do it, he remembers yoochun likes golf but he shakes his head, he won't let his attention get swayed - he's not afraid of anything.

he senses the wind is going east but he could be wrong, he's always been bad at navigation, or at following instructions but he's always been the best driver but that hardly counts thinking there are far more people who are better drivers than him. he closes his eyes, sees the thousands of people yell him name in unison, white, green, blue, red lights for him as he sings and sings until his throat burns, until his heart gets filled up with the emotions as he sings.

not feeling, no pain, no fear, he remembers singing to him one night as he pushes away the stray hair away from his handsome face, the only person he wants to sing to, as he kneels closely to the grass; his knuckles are white as the noise in his brain as he sings, there is no fear.

paradise, jaejoong thinks, is not just a figment of his imagination. it's the ultimate promise land, where there will be no pain, no fear - absolutely no fear. he brings his hand down, closes his eyes then takes a step to paradise - he flies away.

Link | Leave a comment | Share


Jul. 17th, 2014 | 11:09 pm

#8 / Free

The sun pokes at your eyes, it burns your skin that smells like the ocean mixed with sun block as you cruise in a bike; you try your hardest to focus on the peddling and turning the wheel in the right direction and not get consumed by the mop of hair that's disabling your vision.

He's sitting there in the space in front you, this is illegal but both of you are in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sea shores and some endless concrete roads that lead back home (or somewhere else), he's navigating with his mouth turn left, no! you're other left, you obey just as fast as the words leave his mouth, he's all over the place and it's tiring to keep up. It's a miracle you still haven't let yourselves fall down in the hostel's bike rental.

You stop by the foot of the hill sweaty, arms trying not to give in while you whine, no way in hell am i going to pedal your fat ass all the way up there, and he pouts, punches your arm lightly acting like he's offended then he shoves the pack to your calloused hands, takes the bike and pushes it up the hill without a single word but the goofy grin says it all.

Both of you don't know what's exactly up there, it could be a total disappointment like a red bricked wall or some sort of barren land; you don't really know what to expect but you see the childlike excitement in his face, that way it complements the sunlight as he turns to look back at you and asks if you're okay. It's a long way up the hill, sweat drips down your back, your temples - every single nook and cranny in your body and it feels amazing.

You reach the top of the hill, you see the horizon coloured in gradient dark pink and orange; it's nothing like in the city but it feels like a real life painting right before your eyes and it's beautiful. You look at your side and there he is, his cheeks bunching up to his eyes as he stares at what the horizon had painted for him, for you. You have this urge to hold his hand just because you can, you're different here because in here you can be whatever you want to be nothing like in the city where you're restricted by nosy photographers and worldly obligations. So you do, you grab his hand, you startle him but he smiles back and the quick pace of the sun setting frames his face so perfectly it makes you want to cry.

You twirl him to you, when he's close enough you trap him in your arms and you place a gentle hand on his face, stare at him from his wild black curls to his full eyebrows to his long lashes to the slope of his nose and finally to his full pinkish lips. You take your time because in this moment you can and you realise, this is all yours.

He kisses you because he's impatient and you laugh into the kiss, his large hands steadying you in the small of your back while you arch a little into him, you still laugh like you just heard the funniest joke ever, like seeing your twelve year old photo album. But the reason you laugh is because you're happy, you laugh because this is all yours and you laugh because you're so in love it's unreal.

The sun sets but you're still there, he's still there - he's still yours.

Link | Leave a comment | Share